Cars! Cars! Cars!

A Loan

OK, so Koenigsegg Group AB want to buy the Saab division from GM. But they need a loan to do it. It looks like about $600,000,000 is needed. So, at the current rate of 19 Saabs sold per day at a rate of (this is where we make up stuff) $38,500 per Saab, the loan could be paid back in:

F O U R H U N D R E D B I L L I O N Y E A R S

Sounds like Wall Street should be behind this one! Actually, it would take two years to generate $600 million in sales… but that's not including the cost of the car itself. So, yeah, 400,000,000,000 years to pay this loan back.

There is no reason Koenigsegg Group AB should buy Saab. The division should go away.

Referenced articles
Automotive News: Saab loan-guarantee decision months away

Swedish

Saab On The Brain?

Sorry for our rants about Saab recently (No Way), but what is up with Saab? How can this niche brand still be around?

Specifics? Sure, in August and September Saab sold 19 cars a day. Two months in a row! July? 22. Come on, Saab is totally, totally over. And there is no way any sane company is going to buy it. Just for comparison's sake, in the time that Saab sold 960-some cars, Toyota sold 300-THOUSAND (cash for clunkers helped this, sure, but come on! Saab sold fewer during the cash for clunkers shenanigans).

Anyway, Saab dead. Let's move on.

Referenced articles
Autoblog: By the Numbers - August 2009: Cash for Clunkers Edition
Autoblog: By The Numbers - September 2009: Post C4C, We're All Alright Edition

During the same two months in which Saab sold 960-ish Smart sold over 2,200! And how many Smart Cars have you really seen?

No Way

There is no way that Koenigsegg is buying Saab. Really? No, there is no way. For Alison's sake, they sold 19 each day during August. That's during the cash for clunkers sale no less.

Saab is dead. GM killed it. Long live Saab!

Referenced articles
Autoblog: By the Numbers

No!

Man, dissed by your own country of origin. No more Kronors for everyone? What will happen to Saab now? And why did anyone think Swedishlandia would want 'em anyway? Duh.

Referenced articles
NY Times: Sweden Says No to Saving Saab

We clearly meant to mention Saab in the Volvo article, but we were drunk. Go, booze!

20 A Day

Saab has identified five potential buyers? You gotta be kidding us! Saab sold 20 cars a day during February. Twenty. That means some sphync who sold two Saabs in a month was friggin' king of the world! No one is interested in buying a company that sells 20 cars a month.

Seriously, the next worst player was HUMMER (remember them?) and they still sold twice as many as Saab. Twice as many!

We think Saab is playing funny with the numbers. Or smokin' something funny in the hooterglaven.

Prediction? The Swedish government comes in with minimal numbers to satisfy GM and buys the brand back. If that doesn't happen, the brand has less than two years left (assuming someone else buys them). Of course, that means Volvo gets all jealous and then there is a Swede battle for the one nationally made car. That can mean only one thing: Swedish bikini fights! Yay, socialism!

Referenced articles
Autoblog: Saab head says five possible buyers identified
Autoblog: By the numbers

More To Come?

We all know GM is about to (ed note: pick one before publication*):

1. Throw HUMMER on fire
2. Flush the toilet on HUMMER
3. Force HUMMER to walk the Purple Valley
4. Shitcan HUMMER because, after all, jaysus!

But in recent news could it be that GM is also considering axing another brand? Or brands?

We got an exclusively made-up interview with GM spokesman Tony Cervone who replied, "We are absolutely not considering canning Pontiac and Buick. Or, man, Saab. Did you see those Saab numbers? Kkkkkeeerist! And just because I dropped a bucket of pink slips a minute ago means nothing." A follow-up question yielded no movement on getting us Alison Krauss's phone number. GM's PR department is so letting us down.

Referenced articles

Automotive News (you need a subscription despite information wanting to be free): GM denies any more brands under review.
autoblog: By the numbers (June 2008 edition)

*"Publication" Ha!

OK, So We're Curious

Summer's coming* and it's time for something new from Saab and this 9-1 could be something. We're big fans of the (currently shipping) Volvo C30 so we're hoping to see some real competition in the small Swedish hatch segment.

Referenced articles:

From autoblog: Saab shows off second 9-1 teaser ahead of Geneva

*Oh, yes!

In Stunning Reversal, Small Is Big

OK, this is all made up at the moment, but some folks thing that Saab might be prepping a Mini fighter. Woohoo!

That would be welcome news since Saab and GM don't know how to get Saab to build a truck dealie. Part of that reason, we think is that Saab should never, ever build a truck. Ever. Never build a truck.

Can't Saab just make a cool car like the Volvo C30?

Referenced articles:

From autoblog: Rendered Speculation: Saab MINI-fighter

Saab Fighting Wrong Sleepytime Battle

Autoblog reports: Wake up! Saab jumping on the drowsy driver bandwagon.

This would have a lot more impact if the Saabs themselves didn't put us to sleep. Oh, wow, a 9-3 wagon! Man, that gets the blood pumpin'. And, look, yawn, a 2001 9-5. Or, yawn, is it a 2007? And is that a 9-7... zzzzzzzzzz.

Now Volvo... the C30 and V50 both get us pretty chubbed up. Come on, peoples, tell us the C30 isn't friggin' awesome. It is.

That's a snap of the 2008 Volvo C30. So friggin' sweet.

Saab Drinks From The No-No Juice

Autoblog reports: Saab 9-4X to share a platform with new compact Cadillac CUV.

Not only did Autblog mention this, but so did LeftLaneNews. Oh, LLN, you've got a typo in this head: Saab 9-4x to bow in Detroit. It's "Saab 9-4x to blow in Detroit." Zing!

Is Saab making the 9-4x because the 9-7 (9-7x?) sold so well? Is Saab doing it because they've figured out a way to get really, really good gas mileage from a truck? Is Saab doing it because the future is clearly all about trucks and SUVs? Is Saab trying to justify its existence?

God dammit. Look, Saab, here's the deal: Make cars. That's it. No SUVs or CUVs or any of that crappola. Do things a bit different, get 35mpg on the highway and don't mess with the seats. Why do we have to be mad at everyone, everyday?