Cars! Cars! Cars!

Just One. Really?

Just one GM was returned during the 60-day guarantee? Meanwhile

He [GM Vice Chairman Bob Lutz] says consideration for GM vehicles is up 15 percent and says its market share in September, 20.5 percent, is the same as last year.

Consideration, eh? We wonder how sales are doing this Oct…

But back to our first point… And it was an exchange, not a real return? Man, that sounds fishy. Also sounds like a good story that is just told to get picked up and retold… Damn you, GM!

Referenced articles
autoweek.com: A Chevrolet Corvette the only ‘authenticated' return under GM's 60-day guarantee, Lutz says

No One Could Have Predicted

Actually, we didn't. But we knew this was a no go. There were no cars to sell. And it's not like people were lining up to buy any Saturns anyway.

So what happens now? Saturn just closes and "the dream" dies. GM never gave Saturn a solid shot. Oh, they started to but never followed through properly. The cars never really improved and the competition became better and better.

We're betting the same thing happens with Saab. GM took a niche, but well-loved, brand and made it so very mediocre (No hatch? It's not a frickin' Saab if there's no hatch, duh!).

Referenced articles
The Detroit News: Penske calls off Saturn deal with GM
The New York Times: G.M. to Close Saturn After Penske Pulls Out of Deal

No Way

There is no way that Koenigsegg is buying Saab. Really? No, there is no way. For Alison's sake, they sold 19 each day during August. That's during the cash for clunkers sale no less.

Saab is dead. GM killed it. Long live Saab!

Referenced articles
Autoblog: By the Numbers

No More Pies

Everyone knew Pontiac was over and that Saturn was likely to go away, but holy shit, GM is canning Saturn this year? 2009 is the last model year for Saturn.

We suppose we shouldn't be taking it this hard because no one is buying any Ions. Or Vues. Or the other one thing. Car?

In related news, Pontiac is also over. This doesn't come as any surprise at all. To anyone. Except the sphinc who just bought a G6 coupe. "Look at my bitchin' ride, yo!" (moments pass) "Doeth!"

In more related news, everyone is fired and somehow the American taxpayers will own a majority in GM. Let's quote sphinc up there... "Doeth!"

Referenced articles
CNNMoney.com: GM goes for broke

Bloomberg News: GM Steps Up Job Cuts, Offers Shares to Bondholders <--There's lots of "news" in this article, but the "fact" that "jumped" out at "us" was: The goal is to phase out Saturn in 2009, instead of 2011 as previously discussed.

GM To Make Pies

This summer GM is planning on shutting down for a while. You know, in order to lower inventory. You know, in order to build confidence from consumers that they'll be in business for a long time to come. You know, by not building cars.

Instead maybe they'll make pies.

Mmmm, Chevy Monte Pielo. Oh, how about Cadillac PIE? Oh, Pontiac G8 GXP (it's not a fancy pie, but it'll do in a pinch... like an Entenmann's). Ohhh! Chevy Apieo! Ohhh! Buick Pi... zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Referenced articles
CNNMoney.com: GM plans major summer shutdown.

Uncle Sam: Your Mechanic

OK, now we're just gettin' all silly. Today's announcement that Barack Obama is going to personally fix your car while Tim Geithner brings you a cup of steaming joe is just insane.

Now, we're all for competition and the government helping out when regular people can't (building roads, national health care), but this has the potential for one of the following:

1. Unfair advantage over, say, Ford
2. Really, really bankrupt the U.S.A.

Think paperwork is bad now? Wait until you need to fill out the ol' AK-723/71 in order to get a new wiper blade. And wait until Mr. Obama sees how often a Pontiac Grand Am needs to be repair. Might be time to call that preacher friend of his for some preachin'.

In other news, we're still waiting to here back about our request for program Uncle Sam: Fixer Upper With Alison Krauss. It's an obscure program for one, for sure. But it's worth doing. Yes we can! Hope! Sticky!

Referenced articles
CNNMoney.com: Uncle Sam wants to warranty your car

Who Is Running GM?

Don't tell us Fritz. That's bullshit. Fritz didn't can Rick Wagoner. If we were at all real writers and knew how to do research, that's the question we'd ask.

It's not so much that we feel badly for Mr. Wagoner, but we don't understand why the United States government is calling these kinds of shots in the autos sector. Hell, they are considering the bonuses for all of Wall Street despite its colossal fuck up. And, even now, BoA is considering massive raises for employees... Didn't the government have BoA and Merrill Lynch merge? How come they aren't calling the same kinds of shots there?

Referenced articles
NY Times: White House Pushes Out G.M. Chief
Bloomberg: Bank of America May Increase Salaries for Investment Bankers

Fall Of GM

Oh, a pretty graphic about it all. Is GM going to file for bankruptcy?*

Referenced Article
Mint: The Fall of GM: A Visual Guide

*Duh, yes.

The Moment When Toyota Turns Into GM

Take a previously popular vehicle and continue to enhance it despite the fact that its time is over. Hey, Toyota, why not shove a V8 in there while you are at it. Oh, you did. Well, a V10 then! More! More! More!

We mentioned the Tundra was going to turn out to be a bad idea for Toyota, so why do they think the "more" 4Runner will do any better? Folks aren't interested in this sorta vehicle any longer, so why the spendy update?

Referenced articles
Autoblog: Despite market shift, Toyota confirms next 4Runner in development
Cars! Cars! Cars! Toyota's Albatross

For Sale

Ford has a plan to maybe sell Volvo to a Chinese company? Well, maybe they will, but you want to see sales fall faster than what GM has managed to do to Saab? No one will buy a Swedish car from a Chinese company. No one.

We also love that these companies come up with names for these plans, in this case "Project Nile." See, that doesn't really make it move, does it? How about "Project Sell This Beast And Get Hell Out Of This Biz So The Family Can Sell The Rest Of The Company Off Because, Clearly, It's Friggin' Over."

Want another plan? Try to sell it back to Swedlandia. Have them run the companies. Two nationalized car companies? Are we insane? If GM and Chrysler continue to get moolah from the gov what's the real difference?

Oh, another plan name could be Project River. Aw, she'd kick the bad debt to death.

Referenced articles
Detroit News: Team to handle '09 sale of Volvo