Cars! Cars! Cars!

We'd Buy That For a Dollar

New car criteria

Fun driving factor? Check
Great utility (wagon)? Check
Kick-ass fuel economy (60 mpg)? Check

Would you buy that? Yeah, we would, too.

Referenced articles:

Gas 2.0: 2009 Jetta BlueTDI Comes to US This Summer, Sports 60 MPG and Cleaner Emissions

For Sale

On second thought... Doeth!

Can you imagine the flips who went and bought those big-ass SUVs only to find not only can they not afford to fill 'er up, but now can't afford to sell them? And if they can't afford to sell them, how they gonna buy another one? Don't forget the flips who decided to make more of these SUVs and full-size pickups. Oh, they got bonuses? Sweet! We gotta get a gig doing something we don't know what we're doing.*

It's gonna get worse as this year goes on. Who said under 14 million will be sold?

Referenced Articles
Calculated Risk: Severely Underwater Vehicles

*Other than, er, this. Look, Summer Glau!

Drive No Mo?

Have you been driving less? We heartell that folks all over America are actually driving less because of skyrocketing fuel prices.

Weak. What kind of Americans are they? Don't they care about Exxon Mobil's bottom line? We bet they don't wear a flag pin on their lapels, either. Commies.

Referenced articles:
USA Today: Gas prices rattle Americans

Dodge Outs the Ram R/T

What the ? Did Dodge not get the memo that we're not buying these anymore? Did Dodge not get the memo that gas is $4/gallon, the economy is in the crapper and that dirty, hippy chicks don't give you dirty, hippy love if you're driving these?

Seriously, while Jalopnik reports: 2009 Dodge Ram R/T Accidentally Revealed By Dodge, that headline should read, "2009 Dodge RAM R/T Accidentally Produced"

We're not 100% sure if Summer is a dirty hippy chick, but if so, we're hoping there's dirty hippy love involved.

More MPG And More DPM

As in, you get more miles per gallon, but also more dead per mile. Here's the brilliant logic, debunked: Norquist: 'More People Will Die' Because Bush Raised CAFE Standards.

Screw Daimler!

Actually, it seems more like "Screw the Germans" but we can't say that because then we'll get pelted with wiener schnitzel or Werner Klemperer. The New York Times reports: $30 Million Fine for Mileage Violations. But it sure seems cheaper to pay these fines than to create more fuel-efficient engines. Perhaps the NHTSA should make the fines really mean something, ja?

Power With A Price

The New York Times reports: Hold Your Horses? Not Yet.

WTF! The days of outrageous horsepower are over, but no one seems to have told the automakers. There's no way that states are going to stand for these high-horsepower vehicles with their high levels of pollution driving around on their highways. These states are going to write and laws that say, "We demand better from automakers or they can't sell their cars here." It's as simple as... oh, wait. Here's some horseshit:

CNN reports: EPA blocks California emission limits.

Talk about, as The New York Times reports: Two Steps Greener, One Back.

CAFE? No CAFE?

Man, this fuel economy crap is confusing the hell out of us. And U.S "President" Bush is going to veto it anyway, so what's point? Here are the latest articles:

The Detroit News reports House OKs 35 mpg rule.

AutoWeek reports Big CAFE hike stalls--for now--in Senate.

AutoWeek reports Lutz says 35-mpg CAFE will scuttle GM product plans.

OK, it passed the House, stalled in the Senate and despite the "Automakers, in a historic about-face, support the higher CAFE standards." (from the "Senate" article above), GM VP Bob Lutz says that new standard will mess up GM's future gas guzzlin' machines.

Clearly the Unions are at fault here. Damned unions.

It's pretty insane that we'll have to wait until 2020 to get vehicles with decent mileage. By then the sweet Honda Clarity FCX will be rockin' out everywhere and it won't matter, but the point is that we should be far ahead in terms of fuel efficiency. It's a shame that horsepower and top speed are more important than lowering pollution and lessening our dependence on foreign oil. You'd think some egg-head engineer would get a kick out of the challenge of combining power with fuel efficiency...

Imagine, them walking down the street and bumping into each other: "You got your fuel efficiency in my high horsepower engine!" "No, you got your high horsepower engine in my fuel efficiency!" Hilarity ensues and we all fly up to Heaven to be with Jaysus.

Can you imagine if these two were the egghead engineers? It'd be like: "We have a crotch explosion in sector two! Of the sexiest kind!" Also, Alison.

Suck It Up

AutoWeek reports: Import automakers accept 35 mpg CAFE.

An important bloc of import-brand automakers is telling Congress that the companies can accept a fuel economy standard of 35 mpg.

But the automakers continue to ask for more time to meet the higher standard than congressional Democratic leaders envision.

More time? By then we'll need a 40 mpg standard.

It's very clear that automakers don't want to increase fuel economy, so the government is going to have to put its foot down and make it mandatory. The same with seat belts and sweet, sweet Corinthian leather.

Oooh! Car Fight!

This is awesome!

First, Tom said Et Tu, Toyota?, then Jalopnik reported, Thomas Friedman Again Fires Shotgun Blast At Auto Industry, Hits Toyota, Everyone and, finally, Tom #2 said, Beware the Ideas of Friedman (that headline made us laugh, go GM).

At the end of all of this, however, is that we still, today, have cars that get shitty gas mileage because it's easier to make more power rather than get better fuel efficiency. And while some folks say, "We want both!" we know that when there is a choice, power comes first. And that's a shame. Really..