Cars! Cars! Cars!

Uncle Sam: Your Mechanic

OK, now we're just gettin' all silly. Today's announcement that Barack Obama is going to personally fix your car while Tim Geithner brings you a cup of steaming joe is just insane.

Now, we're all for competition and the government helping out when regular people can't (building roads, national health care), but this has the potential for one of the following:

1. Unfair advantage over, say, Ford
2. Really, really bankrupt the U.S.A.

Think paperwork is bad now? Wait until you need to fill out the ol' AK-723/71 in order to get a new wiper blade. And wait until Mr. Obama sees how often a Pontiac Grand Am needs to be repair. Might be time to call that preacher friend of his for some preachin'.

In other news, we're still waiting to here back about our request for program Uncle Sam: Fixer Upper With Alison Krauss. It's an obscure program for one, for sure. But it's worth doing. Yes we can! Hope! Sticky!

Referenced articles
CNNMoney.com: Uncle Sam wants to warranty your car

Who Is Running GM?

Don't tell us Fritz. That's bullshit. Fritz didn't can Rick Wagoner. If we were at all real writers and knew how to do research, that's the question we'd ask.

It's not so much that we feel badly for Mr. Wagoner, but we don't understand why the United States government is calling these kinds of shots in the autos sector. Hell, they are considering the bonuses for all of Wall Street despite its colossal fuck up. And, even now, BoA is considering massive raises for employees... Didn't the government have BoA and Merrill Lynch merge? How come they aren't calling the same kinds of shots there?

Referenced articles
NY Times: White House Pushes Out G.M. Chief
Bloomberg: Bank of America May Increase Salaries for Investment Bankers

Fall Of GM

Oh, a pretty graphic about it all. Is GM going to file for bankruptcy?*

Referenced Article
Mint: The Fall of GM: A Visual Guide

*Duh, yes.

No!

Man, dissed by your own country of origin. No more Kronors for everyone? What will happen to Saab now? And why did anyone think Swedishlandia would want 'em anyway? Duh.

Referenced articles
NY Times: Sweden Says No to Saving Saab

We clearly meant to mention Saab in the Volvo article, but we were drunk. Go, booze!

Lovin'

We just wanted to let everyone know we're lovin' on the 2009 Honda Fit.

We don't own one or about to/thinkin' 'bout buying one. But many people should.

TL Hurts Acura

Everyone knows it's ugly. Everyone. Every. Single. Person. Knows. It's. Ugly. Check out this made-up overheard on the street:

Cars! Cars! Cars! representative: Hi, do you know...
Dude on street: The TL is ugly.
CCC: Really? What else?
Dude: And it will hurt sales.
CCC: Is this a secret?
Dude: No, everyone knows it.

See? There you have it. So far this year, TL sales are off about 35% and this updated beast ain't a-gonna help. We'll check in with TL sales in six months to see how it's doing, but it'll be worse.

Referenced articles
NY Times: Pace. Space. But Oh, That Face.

The Moment When Toyota Turns Into GM

Take a previously popular vehicle and continue to enhance it despite the fact that its time is over. Hey, Toyota, why not shove a V8 in there while you are at it. Oh, you did. Well, a V10 then! More! More! More!

We mentioned the Tundra was going to turn out to be a bad idea for Toyota, so why do they think the "more" 4Runner will do any better? Folks aren't interested in this sorta vehicle any longer, so why the spendy update?

Referenced articles
Autoblog: Despite market shift, Toyota confirms next 4Runner in development
Cars! Cars! Cars! Toyota's Albatross

When Volvo Was Volvo

Ah, memories. There was a time when Volvos were, dare we say it, cool. Anyway, our buddy Philip finds a restored ES1800 that so reminds us of the current C30 from Volvo. We love the ES1800 just as we love the C30.

Speaking of which, is the C30 even selling? Some, but sales are off 40%. Speaking of sales being off, the S60 is so totally screwed! Sales are off 80%! What really is interesting to us, however, is that sales of the V50 (which we really thought would die off) is the least affected of all Volvos. Maybe folks are opting for the little wagon rather than the S40 & S60 sedans?

Referenced articles
Classic Drives: Our Favorite Volvo Takes to the Road in Palm Springs

More For Sale

Ah, tis the season of selling off things you screwed up. So, Saturn has a few interested buyers? Yeah, sounds like a lot like the "Saab's being courted by everyone" dealie we heard yesterday. We really, really don't believe it.

Why? Sales. Folks aren't interested in Saturns they way they used to be (same for Saab, really). Gee, could it have to do with the GM stuck its corp. nose into those businesses? Only four other brands were worse than Saturn in Feb: Suzuki, Saab, HUMMER and Chrysler.

Saturn will end up closing. Or sold to some Chinese company (and then close).

Referenced articles
Detroit Free Press: Saturn has a few interested buyers; S&P downgrades Ford
Autoblog: By the numbers

For Sale

Ford has a plan to maybe sell Volvo to a Chinese company? Well, maybe they will, but you want to see sales fall faster than what GM has managed to do to Saab? No one will buy a Swedish car from a Chinese company. No one.

We also love that these companies come up with names for these plans, in this case "Project Nile." See, that doesn't really make it move, does it? How about "Project Sell This Beast And Get Hell Out Of This Biz So The Family Can Sell The Rest Of The Company Off Because, Clearly, It's Friggin' Over."

Want another plan? Try to sell it back to Swedlandia. Have them run the companies. Two nationalized car companies? Are we insane? If GM and Chrysler continue to get moolah from the gov what's the real difference?

Oh, another plan name could be Project River. Aw, she'd kick the bad debt to death.

Referenced articles
Detroit News: Team to handle '09 sale of Volvo