Ford, GM, Honda, Farago

Ford Rocks
AutoWeek reports: Ford Hopes to Lure in Fusion Buyers with Web Based Videos. Oh, Ford. You guys are silly. Hooking up with a band and trying to sell people the Fusion. The Fusion is already pretty damned decent, so here's what you do:

1. Integrate the iPod so that it snaps right into the Fusion (they fuse together!) We bet most of the Fusion's demographic has an iPod.
2. Refine the Fusion. Assume it isn't right (it's not), rip it apart and find absolutely every flaw you can find. Redesign the flaws. Do this for each model year.
3. Extend the warranty on just the Fusion. Proclaim, "The Fusion is the best car we've ever built and we're extending the warranty to (whatever, whatever)."

You don't have to resort to gimmicks to sell cars. Make a good car great and it will sell. Uh, OK, the iPod thing is a gimmick. So we like gimmicks. We're dumbasses.

GM's Troubles Are Over!
Well, not quite. Everyone is getting all excited that the new, 2007 (hello? 2006 just friggin' started... shouldn't model years mean anything anymore?) Tahoe is selling like hotcakes. The Detroit News reports: Hot Tahoe fuels GM optimism. Don't get us wrong, we're happy as hell the Tahoe is selling well. It's a great truck (if you have to have a big, gas guzzling mofo) and, from a business POV, it's selling faster and costs more than the previous models. That should lead to higher profits per vehicle and lead to more car designs. And we hope, nay, we pray, that there's enough money for more Monte Carlo-like car designs.

Ford Learns About Customers
The Detroit News reports: Ford drills employees on target customers.

As part of its ongoing comeback effort, Ford is holding classes for salaried employees to make sure they understand the company's new brand identities and to introduce them to the types of consumers Ford wants to target.

"It's basically taking people through who our customers are, who they are not and how we reach them … ," said Ford spokesman Jim Cain. "Everything flows from who these people are and how we connect with them."

Holding classes? Man, if you want to get to know your customers, go to the dealerships and talk to them. Maybe offer $100 coupon off a car if the (potential) customer sits and talks with a few white-collar workers for an hour talking about Ford.

Honda Can Do No Wrong!
The Detroit News reports: Sticker safety rating to come standard in next year. Awesome! More information on the car sticker about safety! Woohoo! Oh, we know, it's probably more lies like the whole fuel economy part, but it's a start. And Honda, who can do no wrong, is already volunteering that information on 2006 model-year stickers! See? Honda is wonderful.

How Can Honda Keep Fucking up?
Honda's Hybrid Accord Is A Waste Of Money. It's true! The Detroit News reports: New Accord Hybrid fails to deliver. Of course it does. Who makes a hybrid that's about making more power? It's hard to believe that Honda made this, but they did. Honda dropped the ball on this hybrid. We recommend you look to Toyota for a hybrid (Prius and soon the Camry) or to Honda's Civic, which is sweeter than sweet. Do not buy the Honda Accord Hybrid.

TTAC Hates Cars! Cars! Cars!
Well, we'll be a son of Madonna! WTF is this? Here we are reading The Pleasure Stops Here, screaming, "Go, Bobby, Go! Kick ass about these press junkets and about the unspoken rules between car manufacturers and auto journalists!" and then he goes and totally blows off Cars! Cars! Cars! Oh he mentions the fancy boys at Jalopnik and Autoblog, but he doesn't say, "Those dudes at Cars! Cars! Cars! don't wear any pants!" does he? Well, Mr. Farago, we don't wear any pants! You might want to take notice of that next time you write about pants.

But in this case, however, Mr. Farago chose not to write about pants. Rather, he writes extensively on the incestuous relationship between car manufacturers and auto journalists:

Who really cares if there’s an unspoken agreement: you be generally positive and respectful of our products and we’ll keep you in the style (and access) to which you’ve become accustomed?

Word up: the web ain’t like that. While carmakers and info corps are busy working the same old, same old, surfers are looking for the real deal. At the risk of repeating myself, buying a car is a big deal. Consumers want the straight shit.

We're certainly all about the shit! Maybe that's why Mr. Farago didn't link to us. Or perhaps it's our persistent lack of car information. Or maybe, just maybe, Mrs. Farago caught him sneeking one too many peaks at heaven so he's just unbookmarked our site.