Smartketing, That's What It Is!
The NY Times reports (registration required): Meet a New Mercury, Enjoy a Free Coffee. After waiting 20 freakin' minutes in line for a cup of coffee we were pleasantly surprised to know that someone else had paid for it. And suddenly all we wanted to do was go out and buy a Mercury and cruise it up and down the road. Remember, buying a cup of coffee for the editorial staff of Cars! Cars! Cars! effectively doubles the editorial staff.
Ford, Following In GM's Footsteps, Posts Loss
Another no-extra-charge two-fer from your friends at Cars! Cars! Cars!: CNN/Money reports: In reverse: Ford posts 3Q loss. And The Detroit News reports: Ford 3Q loss hits $284 million. Since these two articles mostly say the same thing, we decided to go see what GM thought. After taking 20 minutes to rouse GM from its (drunken) sleep the only comment we could get from GM about Ford's near-$300 million loss (GM's was 5x that) was: "Amateurs!" GM then vomited on our shoes.
MB Eager To Test Out New Brake Lights
AutoWeek reports: Mercedes tries new tack in campaign to bring flashing brake lights stateside. We're always enthusiastic about new safety technology, especially when it's intended to prevent an accident rather than save us from the wreck. We urge the NHTSA to allow this two-year test that MB is asking for. We'd also like MB to show us the results the new brake lights since they've been available in Europe for some time. We certainly don't want to have near accidents in our car again. We remember driving our car back to college one day where we misjudged the car braking in front of us not once on that trip but twice and a better brake light system certainly would have proven helpful. By driving our car, we mean driving the horse and wagon. And by college we mean jail. And by misjudged, we mean she bit.
Len Hunt Hires A PR Agent
AutoWeek reports: Outgoing Volkswagen boss says automaker is primed for growth in U.S. This dude is always in the news anymore. What, did he hire Paris Hilton's PR agent? What makes him so special? So manly? So perfect to run your car company? That's right. Len Hunt! The man with the knowledge, know-how and knockwurst. Knockwurst is German, right? Is Hunt even German? Are VWs affordable anymore?
Fusion FUBAR'd By Fahfignuwton
Ugh, that was a stretch. And not at all accurate, either, but we assume you've stopped reading us for accuracy at this point though. Ford's problems have nothing to do with an old VW ad campaign. Or delicious cookies. The Detroit News reports: Fusion snagged by C&A problems. Aargh. We want to see Ford do well, really. We hope these problems get cleared up so there can be a fair fight between the Fusion and the competition.
Nissan to Lower IQ Of Workers
The Detroit News reports: Nissan may move U.S. headquarters. Texas? Nashville!? Dudes. Look, we know the rent is high in CA. We've been there. We've been arrested there. We see where you are coming from.... But don't go all hillbilly on us. When we contacted Nissan CEO Carlos Ghosn all he said to us was, "I done did me schoolin'. Check it, yo!"
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