This stuff scares the Alison out of us! Why not have OnStar just reprogram the nav to take the "bad" guys to the cops? Oh, why not have OnStar just reprogram the nav to take the Alison directly to us! W00t!1 Now that'd be some sweet OnStarActionTime.
(Bumping into GM)
Cars! Cars! Cars!: Hey, GM!
GM: Cars! Cars! Cars!
C!C!C!: Wow, you look fantastic. Did you lose weight?
GM: Billions worth!
GM: What's up with you? No updates?
C!C!C!: We forgot how to log in.
C!C!C!: Let's move to another topic.
GM: OK, I'm thin and hot.
C!C!C!: True dat. (leans in) Is that a collar?
GM: What? No.
C!C!C!: What's it say? "If found, return to Prez." Wow, that's weird.
GM: It's a fashion thing. The big O got it for us.
C!C!C!: ... OK.
GM: So, you gonna start covering this again?
C!C!C! Yeah, maybe so.
GM: OK, gotta git.
C!C!C!: OK, good lucking finding your missing piece.
Cars! Cars! Cars!: GM!
GM: Cars! Cars! Cars!
CCC: Long time no see, how you doing?
GM: Doing OK. Long time no post, what up?
CCC: Eh. All's been eerily quiet on the auto front. Like nothing's going on.
GM: Uh... yeah.
CCC: What you been up to?
GM: Uh, nothing.
Scene: Taxpayers run into Chrysler after a long absence (no emails, txts, phone calls)
Taxpayers: Hey! C! Where you been?
Chrysler: Oh, hey. (looks around)
T: So, how you doing? I know things were looking tough.
C: Right. Well, we met someone.
T: Great! That's so... great!
C: Yeah. He's Italian.
T: Oh, wow! I'm so happy for you.
T: So... About that money we loaned you.
C: Yeah... about that...
*1. We picked this snap because of see-throughness. We are shallow. 2. We are considering totally moving on from Alison because, good golly she's following David Vitter and Bobby Jindal on Twitter? We knew she was too good to be true, but we had to go and prove it, right? Sigh. Can't a company of men just lust after a woman who's not following some evil?
This summer GM is planning on shutting down for a while. You know, in order to lower inventory. You know, in order to build confidence from consumers that they'll be in business for a long time to come. You know, by not building cars.
Instead maybe they'll make pies.
Mmmm, Chevy Monte Pielo. Oh, how about Cadillac PIE? Oh, Pontiac G8 GXP (it's not a fancy pie, but it'll do in a pinch... like an Entenmann's). Ohhh! Chevy Apieo! Ohhh! Buick Pi... zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Man, we could have come up with all sorts of headlines!
Ford Meets The Big O
Is Ford The Missing Piece?
Ford Gets Big Sale From Government Because They Are Fiscally More Sound And Don't Make Nearly As Many POS As Other American Car Makers
Ah Ha! Fusion! We Get It! It Fuses Regular Old Engine And New Fangled Whatchmcallit... Mmm, Candy.
Of course, it's just two dudes in the Obama administration so it's not like the whole U.S. fleet is going Ford. And, really, two sales ain't a big deal. Unless you are an automaker. In which case, Jaysus, tell your friends!