Cars! Cars! Cars!

Germans: Maybach, Nein!

Jalopnik reports: Maybach: The End Is Nigh. Of course the car is going to disappear,it's filled with luxury but boring as all hell. It's also a car meant for chauffeurs, not drivers. If folks want to drive a fancy sedan themselves they'll go get a Mercedes-Benz S-Class. They will not buy themselves limousine. Besides, the sorta people who did that kind of stuff now pretend to be regular people, but horde their money and run for office (to get more money).

And, hell, it's not like anyone predicted this would happen (Get it? See? We're trying to tell you that we predicted this almost two years ago!)

Maybach: Maybach? It's a small luxury division of Mercedes-Benz. Anyway, they aren't selling as many cars and we wouldn't be surprised to hear discussions start about closing the division.

You can read the rest of the stuff we made up in our 2006 auto predictions.

Why?

Winding Road reports: Don’t Call it a Minivan: BMW Readies R-Class Competitor. Is the Mercedes R-Class selling so well that it needs a competitor? We're don't think so.

We like the idea of an adult minivan (right, right, sport tourer... whatever the hell that means), but if folks don't want it, why build it?

The Return Of Class

Now this is one fancy-lookin' ride and unless Bill Ford gets himself into trouble, it'll be the talk of the day. We don't know too much about it yet, but this is a sure signal that Mercedes-Benz is not giving up the fight to Lexus.

Autoblog reports: Mercedes-Benz reveals Ocean Drive concept for Detroit.

Jalopnik reports: Ragtop Riche: Mercedes-Benz Reveals Ocean Drive Concept.

Automotive News reports (paid-subscription required): Mercedes-Benz unveils four-door convertible.

What would a four-door Mercedes-Benz convertible look like? Now we know. Mercedes today released the first photos of its concept convertible based on the V-12 S 600. Named the Ocean Drive, the one-off convertible will be showcased next month at the North American International Auto Show in Detroit.

That's the snap of the concept that everyone is using, so, hell, we used it, too. Yeah, there's four doors on that sucker! Sigh, we're not much in the class department.

Mercedes Makes A Cadillac!

AutoWeek reports: Backlash. Tell us that's not the first thing you saw when you clicked through? OK, we planted the idea in your head, but we swear that C-Class looks like a Caddy to us. It's probably the grill or where the emblem goes. Or something. Anyway, we hate the C-Class. Mercedes aren't meant to be small and affordable. So cut it out already!

Who Sucks and Who Sucks Less?

Sheesh, that's a negative headline. The Detroit News reports: Ford, GM gain with redesigns.

Yay! We're fans of the Ford Fusion and are glad to see it get some respectable press. We are not fans, however, of Ford's treatment of its vehicles and are greatly concerned that in two years Consumer Reports will be all like, "Why is Ford still squatting out the Fusion?" Ford, we beg you, beeeeehg you to put more energy into the Fusion to ensure it remains a non-embarrassment.

Meanwhile, check out the sidebars on that article to see who is the least reliable. Holy crap, Jaguar blows. And Mercedes-Benz? M-B is on that list so often it should be its own category, "What Brand Not To Buy." Holy crap does M-B blow. M-B blows so badly that it makes Jaguar look like the king of reliability.

That's a snap of the 2006 Ford Fusion. Go Ford!

Chrysler: No Pacifica For You!

Detroit Free Press reports: Chrysler halts work on Pacifica replacement. Looks like the Pacifica has been sent to the great spiral. We were big fans of the idea of the Pacifica (an adult minivan which has been labeled the Crossover), but never big fans of the execution. We are big fans of the Mercedes-Benz execution, the R-Class (but we're not too sure buyers are).

While the Pacifica was huge, it was near impossible for someone of our, uh, stature, to make it into the third row. We found...

Web dude: What?
Mr. Peterson: Why don't you just say you're fat?
Web: What?
Mr. Peterson: Stature. No one uses that word.
Web: So?
Mr. Peterson: You're a fatty and can't get into the back seat of the Pacifica and it's Chrysler's fault?
Web: We can get into R-Class without much effort.
Mr. Peterson: Whatever. And you are dressed funny today.
Web: Hey! Hey! We're dressed today. Thankyouverymuch.

Anyway, it seems that consumers were never really fond of the Pacifica so its replacement has been canned.

That's a snap of the 2007 Chrysler Pacifica. We bet you can pick up a 2006 model for cheap now that Chrysler has a crap load of them on the lots.

McLaren: Hot!

Autoblog reports: DaimlerChrysler recalls the Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren. Here's the deal: it gets hot. Really, really hot. Burny kinda hot. So we wonder if sweet l'il Paris Hilton will have hers serviced or just drive it into a Civic and be done with it. Anyway, the friggin' car is $450,000.... You'd think Mercedes would make sure it wouldn't burn up and stuff. We bet that Civic that Ms. Hilton smacked into won't ever get hot enough to burn.

For the record, here's the McLaren Ms. Hilton owns.