Cars! Cars! Cars!

Goin' Swimming!

Hey, everyone, plan yer vacations now. The mandatory one. That's right, two weeks off this summer!

And don't go spiffyin' up yer resumes!

Referenced articles:

CNNMoney.com: Chrysler takes vacation in July

Don't Touch Our Charger!

CNN reports:
Downsizing Dodge. Basically, it's this idea

So Chrysler has come up with a better idea. According to news reports, it is considering stripping the Dodge name from its passenger cars and the Chrysler name from light trucks to create two distinct brands with no product overlap. Chrysler would become the car brand and Dodge the truck plan. SUVs would go to Jeep, which would also keep traditional off-road vehicles.

And so we thinks to ourselves we think, "Hey, maybe dis is a good idea. Make it all distinct-like and maybe consumers will see how it all woiks and Chrysler is for da cars and Dodge for da trucks."

But then we look at the sweet Dodge Charger and we think, we don't want to buy a Chrysler Charger. Why not make Chrysler the upscale division (like Cadillac) and Dodge the boy-racer division with some trucks on the side? We're cool with the booting of minivans to Chrysler, so they're out of the Dodge brand in our no-fail plan.

Thoughts? What should Chrysler do?

See how we sepia-toned that sumbitch? Filters, baby. Filters.

And You're Ugly, Too

Can the domestic auto news get any crappier? Check these out -- and this is just within the last few days!

The Detroit News reports GM takes $39B charge in quarter.

The New York Times reports: Ford Warns of New Steps if Sales Decline.

AutoWeek reports: Chrysler cuts four models, five shifts.

What could be worse? Well, maybe if the competition was kicking arse that would be an issue. Let's just (shuffles the pages of the internets) see what we have here. Oh, crap. The Detroit Fress Press reports: Toyota reports record income.

The only way it could get worse (for us, you see) is if we read our court-delivered restraining order. There's no way Alison said that about us. And she too does like husky, bald dudes. With bad eyesight. And weak bladders.

She's smiling because she's thinking of the Cars! Cars! Cars! editorial staff.

Chrysler Kill Kill Kill

Jalopnik reports: Chrysler Set To Drop The Ax on Pacifica, PT Cruiser, Dodge Magnum. With sales of each down in the terlit, none of this is a surprise. What is a surprise:

1. Why is Mercedes-Benz making a Pacifica for the high-end crowd? The R-Class doesn't seem to be selling all that well, either.
2. That Chrysler didn't listen to us when we suggested the Magnum wasn't long for this world: What Chrysler is doing wrong.

That thar be a Magnum (from a few years back).

What, Me Strike?

Oh the French are so, so disappointed in you UAW members.* The New York Times reports: A 6-Hour Strike Against Chrysler.

Seriously, it's best that the strike be over and everyone gets back to work. Now, how about those incentives on the Chrysler 300C, eh?** Come on, baby, Daddy needs a new gas sucker!

*Heh, member. **Actually, we'd rather see incentives on the Charger. Oh, we's wantin' one!

What? Does Toyota Suck Now?

CNN reports: Ford lures Lexus chief away. Another person leaving Toyota for a U.S. company? What gives? Here are the people who have left Toyota recently:

Jimmy Farley: VP of Lexus --> Ford's marketing division
Deb Meyer: Head of marketing at Lexus --> Chrysler's marketing division
Jimmy Press: Head of Toyota's North American operations --> Chrysler co-head honcho.

OK, these are all wins for U.S. companies, but how about getting some of them fancy engineering folks from Toyota over here? We don't need more marketing in front of us, we just need better cars. In fact, if Detroit can prove to consumers that their cars are as good as the leaders (Honda, Toyota), folks will buy them purely because they are American -- no marketing needed.

How can Detroit prove that their cars are as good as, or better than, the others? Do they need an independent company to help (like a Consumer Reports)? What's the basis? Reliability over five years? Anyone have a CR to see how Detroit is doing compared to the others? Is it time to buy yet?

Frenchies: Whoa! Go, America!

The New York Times reports: Auto Union Workers Walk Out at Chrysler.

Another strike, baby! This strike will probably only help Chrysler draw down their bloated inventory. Think about it: Not paying workers + not paying incentives to buyers for your vehicles = profit.*

We gotta wonder what Cerebus thinks of owning a car company now? Damned pesky union workers... always wanting their share.

*There's a bit of sarcasm in here that isn't coming through. Stupid internet.

Cars! Cars! Cars! Bought By Chrysler

They're snatching* everyone else the hell up, why not us, too? Please?

CNN reports: Cerberus' Chrysler bombshell.

CNN reports: GM China executive departing for Chrysler.

We're so very glad to see Cerberus making these big moves to get a kick-ass leadership team into place to kick-ass. Because kick-ass products don't just happen, you need to kick-ass.

Is this going to really hurt Toyota and GM's China division? We don't think so -- at least not just these two dudes moving. As far as Toyota is concerned, the level of its engineering prowess and the rock-solid build quality of (most) its vehicles to do not fall onto the plate of just one man, regardless of how influencial he is.

It's going to take a long time for Chrysler to redo its product line and to rebuild its reputation as a quality builder, but stealing away these guys is a good start and we are hoping to see even more (in terms of dude-stealing, new/better products** and general kicking ass).

*Heh, heh. Snatch.
**First move should be to kill the Avenger. What a yawn-maker.

The Under Of The Dog

The Detroit News reports: Report: Chrysler to tout itself as "underdog" in new ads. Oh, cut it out. Chrysler is in last place because of sketchy products. But not the Charger. The Charger is all that is right about America. Except for the plasticness. And the bad fuel economy.

Take the Sebring. All new, but all wrong. Or mostly wrong. In fact, in December we said

We don't doubt the Sebring is far, far superior to the previous cars Chrysler has made. But this one seems underbaked and not able to live up to its potential.

You can read the whole post here: NYT: Sebring Undercooked.

So, to sum up: Chrysler is not the underdog. They do, sometimes, produce things that come from under a dog.

Jeep Needs To Build JT

Motor Authority reports: Jeep unveils two new concepts for SEMA. We don't normally cover anything but cars and Alison, but we're going to make a small exception because the JT could be something really, really special. And be the next big thing for the Jeep brand.

Now that Chrysler is owned (well, about to be) by Cerberus, here's our sure-fire way to revive the Jeep brand: Build a low-cost, low-frills JT. We don't mean low-cost as in low ability, just low everything fancy. No leather, make it vinyl. Not power windows, a crank'll do ya. No AC... well, AC. So we're pansy... STFU!

The JT has the chance to be the shining example for the do-it-yourselfer who has a little bit of property to work on, but can't afford no $27,000 pickup truck. That same buyer will be a tinkerer that longs to relive the past they never got to take part in. Chrysler, give us a truck to tinker with and that we can afford. The Wrangler and Wrangler Unlimited ain't it.