In order to find out its plan, we broke into Toyota's top secret research and design complex to find out exactly how it was going to make piles of money. We came across a report titled How We Plan To Make Money. We copied it below.
Step 1: Make reliable cars
Step 2: Make reliable cars
Step 3: Profit!
Wow, who knew? The Detroit News reports: Toyota profits jump to $12B. We also came across an audio tape that we've transcribed below:
Man 1: Our market research has shown that people want reliable cars.
Man 2: But how can that be? Detroit's manufacturers are building unreliable ones.
Man 1: Yes.
Man 2: Consumers don't want rusted-out shit boxes?
Man 1: Apparently no.
Man 2: Ah ha!
Man 1: Ha!
Man 2: The sun is rising!
Oh, stop. We kid Detroit. Crap, the POS Monte Carlo made the most reliable list for heaven's sake. How'd that happen?
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