Morning News: Canadians, Car Sales, It's Our Fault, and Sweet Paint

Canadians Can't Drive!
CNN/Money reports: Device stops speeders from inside car. Well, unless they follow the law. The freakin' law! The man! Canadians fall under pressure! Freakin' Canadians. OK, it's not that bad. But it is weird and potentially unsafe:

Canadian auto regulators are testing a system that would enforce speed limits by making it harder to push down the car's gas pedal once the speed limit is passed, according to a newspaper report.

There have to be many, many examples of where this could go terribly wrong... as in, what if you wanted to speed? On the flip side, think of how much less money the local governments would be able to collect in speeding ticket fines. Hmm... pros and cons. Anyway, about dem Canadians: At least they have some purty ladies.

Cars! Cars! Cars! Wins Studly Award!
See these headlines?

The Detroit News reports: Cars come back as sales sag.
AutoWeek reports: November sales fall 2.8 percent: DaimlerChrysler, Ford, GM see drops; Toyota, Honda post 10 percent gains.

See? Trucks Bad, Cars Good. We're called Cars! Cars! Cars! and thereby studly. Hey, Detroit, we're sorry your sales are down. If you had only paid attention to the name of our site... How in the hell could we have made it any clearer? In unrelated news, Cars! Cars! Cars! is considering selling our little-known site: Hey, Detroit, Start Improving Your Cars Before Sales Fall Even Though Sales Are Up Because People Are Buying SUVs And Trucks Like Crazy.

GM: Drunker Than Hell
AutoWeek reports: 'Total Value Promise'? Even GM can't define it; term isn't scoring with shoppers hooked on rebates. Actually, it's our fault. We were wandering around GM's headquarters, saw a plate full of donuts... How could we resist? It was, of course, a GM trap. Several GM employees were trapped as well, and before we knew it, paper, pencils, and a white dude came into the room. He said this was an exercise. A brainstorming session. No one would be wrong or judged. It was very odd. Two people—we're not making this up—finished their donuts then stabbed each other... like it was planned. That left only us. And the dude asked us to come up with a slogan. We said no. He said please. We said, "For bourbon." He provided. We drank. We wrote. We're sorry.

How To Sell A Mercury
AutoWeek reports: Lincoln Mercury marketers hit the streets, buy coffee, haircuts -- and push the Mercury Milan. No, no, no! First, Ford, your Mercury division is already in jeopardy of becoming a chick brand, so why the hell are you buying men haircuts and coffee? Want to get guys to look at your cars? Really? You need two items. Girls in bikinis and trampolines. That's it. We're not saying you'll sell any cars; all we're saying is, We'll be there. In our trenchcoats. Acting sleepy. And needing a cigarette.

From The "Holy Crap! That's Cool" Section
Jalopnik reports: Nissan Develops Self-Repairing Finish. Man, you can scratch that mofo, and it fixes itself. That's sweet! Come on, Nissan, sell it to us!

Comments

[Salman]

Also in Canada, we are getting 'high occupancy lanes' for the first time, I was listening to talk radio and let me tell you we have our share of critics!