Morning News: Forbes, GM, Honda, Saab, Sweet Claire

Forbes: We're Amazingly Shallow
Forbes reports: The Least-Safe Cars 2006. Yes, it is cool that Forbes picked out the most unsafe cars and made a little slideshow out of them. But the cutlines under the pics... does everyone who works at Forbes just have piles of money? And are they all that vacuous?

Another basic, small, unsafe sedan with few charms, the Sentra is what you drive to high school, not what you drive to work if you want to get promoted.

So all you Forbes plebs, don't show up to work in your "common" car if you are looking to move up the ladder. Ha, ha. Forbes.

GM Sellin' Off The Goods
While technically we don't know if the Australian truck division that GM is selling can actually count as "the goods," it's interesting to see GM selling off its holdings. CNN/Money reports: GM eyes down under sale to Isuzu. So far, GM has ended its relationship with Fiat, sold its stake in Fuji Heavy Industries, is probably going to sell off their financing division and is now selling their piece of this truck dealie. We're not smart enough to put these pieces together to figure out why GM is doing this... so if you could post a comment or two below we'd be happy to learn something from y'all.

AutoWeek: Honda Motor Company Developing New Motors!!!
AutoWeek reports: Honda developing diesel engines for America; four, six cylinder versions possible. A motor company making new motors! Woohoo! We kid AutoWeek! It is actually interesting on two levels: 1. We assume Honda has figured out that hybrids aren't the answer to everything (not that diesels are either) and 2. Honda makes a pretty polluty engine.

Honda CEO Takeo Fukui says Honda's diesels, already used in Europe, do not meet U.S. and Japanese emissions rules "at a reasonable cost."

Mr. Fukui! Shame! In the two biggest markets (we made that up) your diesels pollute too much? You are spewing out nast into the atmosphere in other countries because you are techincally allowed to? Now's that pretty shameful.

First Step In Government Bailout Of Detroit?
The Detroit News reports: Governor asks for federal focus on auto industry. It should come as no surprise to anyone that the U.S. government U.S. taxpayers are going to bail out Detroit because of Detroit's own incompetence. Here's some of what was suggested in order to help poor, clueless Detroit:

Granholm's letter asked Michigan's congressional delegation to support a bipartisan, cooperative effort "to urge the White House to take action -- both through its executive powers and its ability to work closely with Congress -- to swiftly enact policies that will positively impact the nation's manufacturing sector."

Among other suggestions, she called for the federal government to:

--Relieve U.S. manufacturers of the burden of high health care costs by creating a catastrophic insurance pool, doubling federal spending on preventative care and wellness initiatives and making significant investments in health information technology.

--Make sure companies' pension promises are kept by having changes in federal pension policy support companies trying to maintain their pension plans and encourage companies with underfunded pension plans to recover, not force them to end those pensions.

--Level the playing field for U.S. manufacturers through stronger enforcement of trade laws, appointing a special trade prosecutor, insisting that trading partners end currency manipulation and enforcing and strengthening intellectual property protections.

Look, we don't blame Governor Granholm for trying to keep her constituents employeed, that's her job. But Detroit did this to itsef. Make shitty cars for a long time and even dopey people will learn not to buy them. And, if by some chance Detroit cars are better now, it's going to take a hell of a lot of persuasion to convince people you've screwed over to come back to look at your cars. There would be no union problems if the cars were selling well and there was constant demand for them, but Detroit focused on short-term goals (SUVs) and bet the farm on them. They lost. By the way, it would sure be nice if the U.S. Government would relieve the burden of healthcare on its citizens, too, rather than, you know, the corporations.

Detroit's Cars Aren't Better
The Detroit News reports: Quality costs at Ford rise $500 million. We swear it's like being in an abusive relationship but we just can't walk away. Everytime we believe they'll get better, they punch us right in the belly.

GM To Add V-8 To Yet Another Vehicle
AutoWeek reports: Big Plans for little Hummer: Diesel, beefier engine are in works for H3. They're drunk over there, right? Just stinking drunk and making decisions. OK, we see the need for a diesel and we'll give that one a pass but adding another V-8 in the mix? Is this wise thinking? We thought the H3 was selling because it was more affordable and less thirsty than previous H's. But, what do we know? We didn't lose nearly as much as GM last quarter so we're clearly not good at this.

Marketing Rule #1: Distraction
Autoblog reports: Saab returns to aircraft roots. So the Saabs aren't selling... add some macho stuff into the mix to see if that can't help. And unless Saab is adding a propeller, they aren't really returning to their aircraft roots. They are a division of GM and as such are making a truck with a V-8 now.

Fill 'er Up. With Silver Bullets, Eh!
The Detroit News reports: Coors ramping up production of ethanol from beer waste. Sweet! There are so many plusses to this we can't even count them all! First, there's beer involved. Second, by using waste product it sounds like it's a bit environmentally friendly (which means dirty hippie chicks with throw their affection our way). Third, Hooray, Beer! By the way, they ripped off the pants commercial from us! We used that line on Claire Danes and we so totally got slapped in the face. Hooray, Claire Danes touched us!